drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
