i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
