weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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