What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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