HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
