THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize