You know, be my cock's hype man.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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