Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
