Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
