the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
