please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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