Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
