i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
