just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
