he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
