oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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