I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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