I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize