He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
