I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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