something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
