sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
