You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
