I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
