I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
