Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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