She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
