oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
