Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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