What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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