the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
