When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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