I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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