I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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