im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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