Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
