Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
