were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
