stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
