i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Someone shattered a urinal.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
