My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
