I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
