so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
