your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This is the high leading the old right now
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
