You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it's not cheating when I paid for it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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