also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
