everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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