you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
