Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
