I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
