in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
