That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
