it hurts more in the daytime
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
