i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
