Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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