even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
