Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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