Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
