Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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