i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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