Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
