I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
