im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize