You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
