I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
