but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
