Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
