Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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