can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
