Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
nutella sex= disaster
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
