Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
