So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
where does the pee come out of this thing
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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