If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Shame - the story of my life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
