Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
