i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
