Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize